Vegas

(This article originally represented my first 30 days in Vegas, but has been changed to an ongoing log until I leave)

I’ve been in Vegas for about a month.  If I were looking at my present situation from the outside looking in I wouldn’t consider the situation to be too bad.  However, from the inside looking out my immediate situation as well as my future is bleak.  I made a regrettable text to the contrary after finishing a day of work to the person who provided a guaranteed income over a six week period.  I was riding a high from endorphins after work, receiving pay, and a desire to express my gratitude.  I texted that I appreciated this situation more than I can express.  

My first few weeks in Vegas were definitely better than the 10 days I spent in San Diego although I was constantly stressed with trying to find work.  I wrote an article describing my first two weeks in Vegas, and during that period I was only able to find work 3 days, where I made 365 dollars.  Shortly after this I performed work for the person I texted above who informed me that he owned companies and could provide steady work for me.  The company he assigned me to is experiencing a slow down during the holiday season.  He provided me with a guaranteed weekly income for a period of 6 weeks with the option to continue employment at an hourly rate after that period.  

I was experiencing issues with the woman I was renting a room from.  The main issue was the apartment is gated.  When I first arrived she gave me the gate key to make a copy.  Most of the locations that offer key copying services have machines and the key was not duplicatable in the machines.  A man on the bus overheard me having a conversation with ACE hardware and told me about a convenience store that still had the older machines.  I went to the store and I was told the machine was down.  The clerk looked at the key and said they didn’t carry that kind of key and recommended Home Depot.  Home Depot recommended Liberty Locks.  Liberty Locks told me the key was restricted and they weren’t allowed to duplicate it.  

I had a key to the apartment but I did not have a key to the gate.  Out of about 10 attempts on separate occasions to open the gate I believe there were two attempts when she answered and her boyfriend came and unlocked the gate.  On one occasion she wasn’t home and didn’t respond to my phone call or text.  The other occasions she was home and told me she was either on the phone and didn’t receive my call or her phone was off.  

There was one area of the apartment where there was a door roughly 8 feet high and I could scale the door to gain access to the courtyard which is what I had to do every time I came home and there wasn’t something propping one of the doors open or there wasn’t someone else there to let me in.  Later when this issue and others came out she had the audacity to say “you have access to the unit but not access to the complex”.  Which is complete bullshit because I cannot access the unit without accessing the complex.  

Prior to having this opportunity for income I was stuck there, with my money hovering between about 3 to 400 dollars.  I had to accept that I would have to rely on my athletic ability to gain access to the unit.  Of course if I was shorter, it’d be interesting to know how the situation would have played out since I believe the first time I couldn’t gain access was the second night.  When I did gain access her boyfriend said she was asleep.  

Other than not being able to access the apartment there was what I call constantly playing around the perimeter.  What I mean by that is acts that seem intent on being antagonistic that are inconsiderate and borderline disrespectful.  Things that cause you to seem petty if you address them but the daily accumulation is clearly intent on being harassing.  I felt like the motivation was for me to address these things where the situation could be blown out of proportion and used as an excuse to kick me out.  

They’re lives consisted of smoking weed and watching TV everyday.  I didn’t say much of anything to them.  When I was home I was quiet, writing, playing poker online, I always cleaned up after myself, purchased common use items like toilet paper, dish soap, and garbage bags as she had no garbage bags prior to my arrival.  I was a perfect roommate despite not being able to access the courtyard without scaling the wall, and despite them dancing on the perimeter.  They would wake up at odd hours 3 to 4am, open their door and turn the TV up, and talk loudly.  

In the fridge I had one small corner where I kept my food, that consisted of eggs, lunch meat, serrano peppers, butter, mayo, and shredded cheese.  Almost the entire top shelf of the fridge was open and they put a plate of leftovers on top of my eggs.  

On one occasion I was in the kitchen cooking and they’d come in the kitchen and he began preparing food to microwave instead of extending me the courtesy to finish so we weren’t on top of one another.  To add a little context, the kitchen area consisted of a space that was about 4×6, and I typically spent about 10 minutes or less cooking.  If I was in the kitchen I was either making a sandwich, a Quesadilla, scrambled eggs, or rice that I’d mix with butter, hotsauce, peppers, and cheese.  On another occasion, I was cooking and the counter space is very limited and she set our her food that she planned on preparing.  Once I was finished I told her I was finished in the kitchen.  Before she came out to cook, she left the apartment, came back, and didn’t start cooking until about 45 minutes to an hour later.  Which implies the only reason she set her food out was to put it in my way while I was cooking.  

Another time her boyfriend helped himself to a cup of soda from my two liter.  He should have known it was mine because it was Cherry Coke and his girlfriend only purchased fruit flavored soda.  I was going to address that but prior to that they smoked weed with me on a few occasions and I didn’t want to seem petty.  However, I believe the reason they smoked weed with me was so I would start buying weed to smoke with them.  That didn’t happen, and I was never presented with another opportunity to address it because he only did it once.

This was a one bedroom and I was renting the living room.  She had her children over who were going to school that day online.  She sent the children into my space to their schooling while her and her boyfriend smoked weed and watched tv in her room.  I left and when I came back my items were moved.  I have a great deal of affection for children so I wasn’t that bothered by it, but at the same time, she failed to realize that when you rent an area of your house to someone that isn’t your area to do as you please.  Second, if she planned on her children doing their schooling in my area, the very least she could have done was given me a heads up.  

On other occasions it seemed like she would wait for me to go to sleep, or early in the morning she would slam the microwave.  On another occasion she opened the door in the morning while it was cold and I had to get up to close it.

Everytime I finished using a dish I washed the dish immediately. After about 25 days of this behavior I received a voice message text. The text was from the woman who I was renting a room from while I was at work. The message told me I needed to call her immediately and she told me the first time I did something nasty that was it.

I was heated about this. For the first time in 25 days I left dishes in the sink. Which was something that wasn’t intentional, I finished eating and I was thinking about the buses I would catch and what time I would arrive at the location. I waited until my lunch break and called her back and she didn’t pick up. I left her a message saying what makes more sense to you, that for almost a month I washed my dishes everytime I was finished with them and then today I intentional left dishes in the sink, or, that I was in a rush and I forgot to the dishes?

I was picturing the scenarios when I was on the bus home and I was ready to go off when I got back. She texted me while I was on the bus and said you’re right my bad. When I got back I told her I was good but I was going to be out on the 15th.

Anyone of these incidents on their own isn’t significant, but the accumulation of things like this plus many other small things I didn’t mention, are what is meant by playing along the perimeter, where I mean they were borderline disrespectful for the better portion of the time I was there, and I wasn’t in a position where I could jeopardize my living arrangement. 

After getting this job I was looking at rooms for rent and contacting people who were renting rooms and intended to leave the 15th of December.  On Sunday which was the 13th of December, it was cold outside in the morning.  I was on my laptop which was on a TV tray I bought and I was seated on a folding chair I bought near the door.  They left and intentionally left the main door open.  I got up and slammed the door behind them.  They came back in asked if I had a problem and I stated I did, that they intentionally left the door and an argument ensued where she said I was disrespectful.  She implied that I had to leave, and wanted to argue about me slamming the door.  I told her it happened, I did it, now what did they want to do about it.  

Her boyfriend chimed in and said that it didn’t have to be between me and her it could be between him and I.  Something I was only too eager to hear because I know he can’t handle this smoke and he mistakenly thought I was afraid of him.  I said what you want to do and I stood up.  He went into the room and came back out with a gun saying he doesn’t play the same way I play.  I told him if you’re going to shoot, shoot.  I said what you think you’re the first mother fucker to pull a gun on me?  (he’s not, I’m not intimidated by guns).  He became quiet and I told them I wasn’t going anywhere, that I’d be there until the 15th.  They left.  

I wasn’t worried about the gun and I was glad I had the satisfaction of the verbal altercation which was the build up of everything they’d been doing for the last month.  On the other side of it, I also know that he is a lifelong resident of Vegas and she also has family and knows people in Vegas.  If they come back with 10 people even though I’m not worried about him shooting me, and as good as I can fight, I’m not going to whoop 10 people.  I made the mistake when they returned of trying to talk to her and she was on some hoodrat shit, so I ended the conversation with well then we don’t have shit else to talk about.  Later since she perceived my efforts to talk to her after I calmed down as weakness she said I want you out by 12pm on the 15th, not 12:01, 12pm.  I ignored her.  I could have told her I’ll be here until 11:59pm on the 15th because the signed agreement I had stated I was renting the room from 11/16 to 12/16, and if I really wanted to I could have pressed it to 2:30pm on the 16th when I arrived.  Instead I just ignored her since initiating a new argument didn’t serve any purpose to me.  

Later that day I went to see a room in a trailer park.  It was an older woman who was accompanied by her brother.  They were very nice and the room had a bed in it.  For the previous month I was sleeping on an air mattress.  I asked them if I could move in on the 14th which was the following day since the 15th I could be working and then I’d have more problems with the person I was presently renting a room from.  He said well give her a $50 dollar deposit and we can start it today.  I told them I had a few other places I was going to look at but that I’d let them know by the end of the day.  Then he offered the place for $375 which raised some flags to me in other areas, related more to the relationship he had with his sister.  

I left and I was seriously considering asking them to move in that day and save myself the trouble.  Eventually after exiting the bus I called back and decided I would move that day.  I cut a hole in my air mattress, broke my folding chair, and my TV tray so they couldn’t use it since I wasn’t taking it with me.  I packed up my items and signed a new agreement with this woman for the next month.  

Her brother creates the appearance that he’s helping her and I don’t know if he is genuine, or if he creates the illusion that he does things for her in order to get things from her.  There are some inconsistencies.  The second day I was here she told me that her brother wanted her to put her chair and TV in her room.  As if I would be bothered by her being in the living room.  I told her that it wasn’t necessary and she said she didn’t want to and asked me if I’d tell her brother and I said I would.  I didn’t have to tell him she told him, but while he was here I made it a point to tell her in front of him that nothing she does bothers me.  That she should go about her business as if I’m not here.  She is a very sweet older woman who goes out of her way to try and make me comfortable and I do everything I can to help her and reciprocate the kindness.

When I first came she told me she had stage 5 bone cancer.  There is no stage 5 bone cancer.  Although she is a sweet woman she is clearly a very low IQed woman.  I don’t know if she has bone cancer or not but if it were stage 4 I imagine she’d be in much worse shape than she is, and I also believe she’d be seeing the doctor regularly and show the signs of receiving radiation treatment.  I don’t know if someone has convinced her she has bone cancer, if it something she made up for sympathy and attention.  I seriously doubt she has cancer.    

Yesterday I was returning from the gym and she was coming outside just as I was arriving.  She said she was going to check the mail and asked if I could check it for her.  I reached in the mailbox and grabbed an envelope and handed it to her.  She said the envelope was open and it was from someone who was sending her a $150 Walmart gift card.  She suspected her brother or niece took it.  Her niece moved back to Wisconsin so it couldn’t have been her niece.  She believed her brother took it.  I don’t know if he did but it seemed possible.  His willingness to rent me the room for less money than I was offering for rent was a red flag because it seemed like he had a stake in her getting that money from me.  The day before he asked her $50, saying that she could get it from their mom who was sending him a $50 check in a christmas card he wouldn’t be able to cash because he didn’t have an ID.  He seems like a nice guy and I don’t know that he isn’t, but it seemed very strange to me that he knew when she would be getting this gift card, and the day she received it the envelope was opened and the gift card was gone.  Of course the other possibility is she already checked the mail, took out the gift card, and then put the envelope back in the mailbox. Saw me walking up to the house, and came outside so I would see that the envelope was in the mailbox and was opened.  She manufactured this incident in an effort to get sympathy and attention from me and her family.  I don’t know what happened but I could do without the situation and whatever her brothers motives are in her life altogether.

There is one other source of great stress in my life in this new housing situation.  There is an infestation of cockroaches.  I keep food out of my room and sleep with a light on but should I venture into the kitchen in the evening and the light is off when I turn the light on the scatter in all directions.  I’m not squeamish regarding bugs but fuck, had I known this prior to renting this room I would have tried or spent more money to find something else.  

At the time there was another room I wanted to rent but this room I don’t believe the person was actually trying to rent.  The night I rented this room I contacted that person to let them know I was no longer a candidate for tenancy.  The next day she sent me advertising to become a business partner with her selling health and wellness products.  The business plan appeared to be buying into the company and then getting others to sell the products, where the referrer which in her case would be her would either mark up the products to the people she’d sell them to who would then sell them to other people, or she’d get a kick back for the products people she referred bought.  I sent a long text message back about why I wasn’t interested.  Mainly I didn’t believe in the products where health to me was primarily genetic, then based on exercise, and lastly based on nutrition which I believed was best served by eating whole foods.  I went on to hit on her a little bit.  Telling her I liked her look when she showed me the room, told her I was going to be here for a month and asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime.  I asked her if she was renting the room as a marketing tool or if she was actually renting the room.  She didn’t respond, but I presume it was a marketing tool to establish contacts to solicit for her business.  

The other rooms I was offered all had sexual undertones.  One guy sent me a picture of his ass.  Another was two guys who said the were nudists and asked if I had a problem with people walking around in “boxers at most”. Neither of those situations were very apoealing.

The other day I went to a nearby park to get out of the house.  I went there to prepare a lesson.  I basically went through the decision making process and created exercises to teach people the elements of the decision making process which is actually intent on showing people what morality is tangibly.  This leads into Liberty as the Basis for Objective Morality.  The greatest source of my discontent is I have a wealth of important things to teach and no one who is interested in learning them.  If I can’t do that, I’m fucked in life, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to.  I think by the time I receive my last check I’m going to have about 2k saved.  Best case scenario is I can get a reliable car for $1500, spend $300 on insurance down payment and plates and I’ll have about $200 and a car.  Then what do I do?  Where do I go?  I’m still stuck on a planet with people who avoid the acknowledgement of useful information.

What’s strange about my discontent is I felt that way despite having accomplished every short term goal I set out to accomplish. When I left Milwaukee my immediate objectives were to establish an income, establish shelter, join a gym to exercise, begin promoting my material, build my curruculum, and save money to buy a car. I’ve only finished one lesson on the decision making process. I began there because they are concepts that are easier to grasp then beginning with objects and assignments, but more importantly, it introduces morality through the decision making process. Where a person can grasp morality as something more than a vague conception of what is right or wrong. Where morality is understood as something tangible through the feelings imposed in the decision making process, which can be built on in the second lesson on Liberty is the Basis for Objective Morality, where moral feelings are defined, and experiencing moral feelings is broadened from the decision making process into perception. This is why the first lesson is the decision making process and the second will be Liberty is the Basis. From there I may put a lesson together from founding intents, which will likely break down into 2 to 4 parts. Or I go into Balance Stimulus which provides an understanding of basic captialist economic foundation as it relates to the decision of production, and then into to income and the impediments of income; why the poor remain poor. Then the need for the Balance Stimulus.

I can put the second lesson together in an hour or two. I’ve already reduced LIB to 10 key components, which is how it reduced naturally, not something I attempted to reduce it to for an even number. I would have preferred 7 or 9 but that isn’t what it reduced to.

My discontent stems from the fact that I understand very important functions of the human mind, human behavior, systems, and how to correct human issues and I have no audience or students to teach. Everything is ignored, and then there are meritless responses like the one I received from the journal I submitted the balance stimulus idea to where the reviewer made critical remarks that were already addressed in the article. I can just be ignored and none of this matters. It matters, just not in this lifetime. I don’t just blame the academic community, activsts, politicans, or organized interests who have shut me out, I blame the general population. People who are childish and build their reality around information that causes them to feel good who are not concerned whether or not what they believe is true and how it impacts their interests and others just so long as they can maintain the reality that gives joy to their lives.

Why don’t I go back to criminality? 1st, the opportunities don’t exist as they once did. I primarily sold drugs which requires suppliers and clients and those circles have fallen apart or changed. As far as higher risk criminality is concerned my anchoring objective is my material. Conceptionally there isn’t much more for me to gain in this life. I live for the slim chance that I will be able to make a living teaching these things, that I will be able increase the intelligence and liberty of this species. Not because I have a great deal of love, compassion, or empathy that drives me to struggle to serve human interests. This was true at one time when I was a fraction of what I am today, but it it not true today.

Today, it is the only thing that makes sense. You can’t imagine what it feels like to see the bullshit so clearly and the masses who eagerly consume it. This endless circulation of bullshit that is detrimental to human interests and produces the unnecessary problems that we have. As I mention all human problems are a product of self deception and the unequal distribution of opportunities for time and money.

Why don’t I invest my time in some lucrative endeavour, secure my own space with money and time and enjoy the show? The effort required isn’t worth the value of having just to have. 38 years old may not seem old to many people, but when you’ve endured what I’ve endured for 38 years and have the experiences I have the shit that excites you doesn’t excite me. In a few weeks hopefully I can find a car to last me about 6 months but what does that do for me? All the shit going on around me and not really knowing how I am going to find a student or students and make money. Seeing the return to a struggle living out of a car, which is more difficult than in times past because this idiot fucking species has shut down showering at gyms over a virus that is no greater risk to public health than the flu is. Still have to work bullshit gigs to survive while I make no progress towards what I should be doing and what I want to be doing. Even in the little bit of short term progress I’m experiencing, I have nothing to really be happy about.

I was going to digress from the few other stories I intended to share, but one story is significant in the west coast indoctrination that the only reason a person can dislike you is because of race, and the other is the perspective I’ve gained on the person whom I’ve rented a room from.

As I commented previously there was a situation where she met me outside as I was coming back from the gym. The infrequency with which she leaves the house made it seem as if she was watching from the window and came out because she saw me walking up. Given the history I’ve had at the mobile home since then it seems pretty likely that she set that entire incident up. Where she was the one who took the card and whatever else was in the envelope and then returned the envelope to the mail box. This is why she met me so I would find it and she could play the victim so I would be sympathetic and pay more attention to her and do more for her.

This was followed by a phone call that was either real or fake but probably intended for me to hear where she said “if he keeps borrowing money from me I’m going to have to move back to Wisconsin” which based on what she had been saying was in reference to her brother Rick. She told stories about how her brother had forced her to get loans that he kept, charged her $300 to visit her when she was sick in the hospital, and implied that he rarely came around without expectations of receiving money. She basically said she couldn’t say no to him.

She asked me to hold onto her money. I agreed and wrote her a receipt for 192 dollars. Later that day Rick came by and gave her a blanket, some pinecones, and his George Foreman grill for Christmas. Prior to this we had a long conversation where she was saying all these horrible things about Rick, and more, that I didn’t include like her saying the neighbors said he used to yell at their mother when she lived down here for money. All of this was intended to paint herself as a victim, an effort to use my sympathy to gain my attention and help her. This isn’t to say Rick isn’t a piece of shit, he may be, I don’t know.

I initially suggested that what Rick did for her on Christmas was likely a manipulative tactic to get money from her. She said that she wanted to give him $20. I began to write the $20 on the receipt and she asked what I thought and I shared my suspicion that Rick did what he did in an effort to get money from her. He brought those things, said some nice things to her, and then told her he had to go fly a sign to get dinner. I told her I thought he did these things because it would make her happy and appreciative and want to give him money since he said he was going to have to beg for money for dinner.

Then I brought up the fact that if he really wanted to make you feel good why not come over and spend some time with her, watch a movie and talk with her. I asked her what she would say if Rick asked if he could spend Christmas and have dinner with her? She agreed she would have made dinner and liked to have him her. He also told her to tell her mom about what he did for her, which is probably something he believes could play in role in him getting money from their mom.

Their mom lives with a woman named Denise who I believe is their sibling. Today I heard her say after being told she doesn’t tell mom they called, something to the effect that it was because they were always calling their mom about money. There is a chance I heard it wrong but I’m fairly confident that’s what I heard. Something I mentioned that adds to the signficance of her telling me he said to tell their mom what he did for him.

She did change her mind on giving him money that day.

The following day after leaving the gym and beginning to vent my circumstantial frustations I received a call from her. She asked if I left the money at the house, I told her no, but I was on my way home from the gym. I came in called her brother a leech which he didn’t deny, and then recorded me giving her back her money. As I walked to my room I told Rick I shouldn’t have called him a leech I’m going based on what I’ve heard. He wasn’t upset or offended either way.

Rick was taking her to the casino and as the story goes he made sure she only lost $40, he didn’t play or ask for money, and then he brought her home. She came back excited and I thought it was very good for her to get out of the house and experience the stimulation of a new setting. She was in a good mood and I was happy for her.

This morning Rick came by and she commented to him that she thought I was gone. She tells him it’s like walking around on egg shells around here in the mourning because I don’t want to make no noise, and implied that she had to be quiet in the morning on my account. This is complete bullshit because not once since I’ve been here have I said anything to her about being loud, and stated on a few occasions when she’s asked me that she doesn’t bother me with noise. There’s no basis for this comment other than her trying to play the victim role to Rick for his attention and sympathy.

There were two times when I spoke to her with some frustration. One night she knocked on my door around 10 to 10:30pm. I ignored her because I was trying to go to sleep. She left. Later on at near midnight she knocked on my door again and I said what? She said I’m going to make some fries, do you want some fries? I said no I want to sleep because I have to wake up at 5:15 in the morning. This comment had nothing to do with any noise she was making it was about her knocking on my door.

On Christmas when she deposited her money with me for safe keeping she asked if she could talk to me and I talked to her about the issues that I mentioned. I also went to the corner store and purchased her a pack of cigarettes that day. There are some things I don’t mind doing for her, checking the mail, taking the garbage out and taking the garbage to the curb which I believe is my responsiblity. There is other things I’ve done for her as well like I helped her remove a candle from a broken holder, gave her a website to watch the Packer game when it wasn’t on a channel available to her, swept up a pile of she swept up, made her a plate of food, got her cup of juice, and some other things. The day after Christmas she asked if she could talk to me for a little bit. I said I was busy, and I was a little bit, playing a poker tournament but I didn’t want to be bothered with a meeting about whatever she had going on. Later she asked if I knew about a store that was about a block away from the corner store, I told her no, but if she expected that I was going to be running daily errands for her she was sorely mistaken. She didn’t bring it back up once I told her I wasn’t familar with the store.

I haven’t used the kitchen in about a week’s time. After finishing my rice about a week ago and the abundance of roaches in the kitchen, where sometimes even with the lights on during the evening hours there are small ones crawling around and in the microwave, I stopped cooking food here. Although I wash my dishes before and after I use them, there is something about the sight of bugs in an area where you’re preparing food that affects the flavor and your appetite. I haven’t used the kitchen with the exception of washing out my shaker cup, but I don’t cook in there. I did help her finish up Christmas dinner she made. I did not want to eat it because I didn’t know how old the chicken she was making was but I also didn’t want to be rude.

We can argue that since I ate with her I should have helpped her wash those dishes. I did wash the dishes I used but not the pan the chicken was cooked in. Both sides of the sink were already filled with dishes, and they were not dishes made by me.

She begins telling Rick how I don’t like to help, and acts as if she is constantly cooking for me but I don’t help her do the dishes. She tells him she’s going to ask the tenent to rake the leaves.

As Rick’s washing the dishes he comments to her how he can do a better job since she can only use one arm. This seemed like another horse shit story since she hadn’t commented about an injury and I know on Christmas day, 2 days ago her arm was working fine. This seems like another effort to cause me to feel sympathy for her which would translate in me doing more for her.

Rick washes the dishes and after finishing them came around by my window before he left. I had my curtain drawn and the window open. He said “Bye Mr. O, I got the kitchen cleaned up for you”. To which I responded “you didn’t get it cleaned for me, you got it cleaned for her, I clean up my messes after I make them”. He “said I know, I was just telling you that it’s clean if you need to use it”. Again, this statement implies that he’s done something for me, like I’m responsible for cleaning up after her.

At some point she commented about her friend’s roomate coordinates dinner and they plan their day out around what they’re going to do. In addition to what I mention her morning was telling Rick I was a bad tenent for not performing what essentially amounts to care giver duties. This is the day after she told me if I needed a reference when i move she was going to give me a good reference.

I also found my soap which last was firmly on the ledge of the shower underneath my wash cloth, sitting on the bathroom floor. All of this pisses me off but she’s like an old fucking child. This victim for attention and help game is probably something she’s been doing her whole life. I’m confident that Rick was assiting this morning with his comment about her sudden loss of mobility in one of her arms.

While I was in my room listening to this I considerrf confronting her about it but it doesn’t seem appropreate because I can be intimidating to an old slow woman and her old weasil brother. I didn’t want to shit on her and later feel like I intimidated her which may cause me to be more apt to doing more for her that I otherwise would not. The process would be to right the wrong of being intimidating to her by doing some things for her. Instead I’m just waiting for her to ask me to do something for her and I’m going to tell her know. With the exception of taking the garbage to the curb, I’ll do that since I contribute to the garbage.

When I rented this room there were no expectations that I would cook for her, clean for her, or run errands for her. I’ve done some of this out of the feelings I get from helping someone. Once it becomes an expectation and those expectations grow then it is not me helping because I want to help, it’s obligatory help, and since I am not responsible for her circumstances, I have no obligation to help. If when I rented the room she told me part of renting the room was to also provide care giver services I would not have rented the room. Of course, if she told me there was a roach infestation I also wouldn’t have rented the room, and I wouldn’t have went grocery shopping either. She has the audacity to think I’m responsible for her responsiblities.

Whether or not Rick has done everything she says I don’t know, there is enough evidence to suggests he manipulates her and her mother, and she is using manufacture of sympathy tactics to try to manipulate me. Fucked up people. That shit doesn’t work against objective morality and the understanding of Sequencing, Comparison, and Assignment. I had to chronicle this shit after mentioning my suspicions.

I was having a conversation with a guy who is mexican, had subtley femine manners which combined with he appearance most people infer that he was gay. I mentioned some of the titles of the articles I’ve written including The Myth of Systemic Racism in the United States. After I mentioned this title he said he worked for a guy for 10 years, an older catholic white guy who treated him poorly because of the color of his skin.

There were a few things that jumped out to me. 1, is that despite him feeling like he was being treated differently because of the color of skin, his boss clearly didn’t try to fire him because of the color of his skin. 2nd, how do you know he was treating you different because of the color of your skin? It seemes equally plausible that as an old Catholic he may have been treating you differently because of what he believed your sexuality was. Still it seems equally plausible that there were things about your behavior he didn’t like, where he just didn’t like you because you and him like different things. It seems equally plausible that he didn’t like you because you’re intelligent and perceived you as a threat within the company. It seems equally plausible that maybe the guy was just an asshole to everybody. Those raised with ideas taht the only way a person of another race can treat you like shit is because of the color of your skin will claim this is the motivation of any person of another race treating them with less respect than they think they deserve.

Even if this guy was treating him differently based on race it didn’t prevent him from working for the company. 2nd, if the treatment was racially motivated, is there a difference between working for a boss who treats an employee like shit for any other reason besides race, and one who treats an employee like shit because of race? If it’s overtly about race then the employee could have the manager fired. So again you don’t know if the treatment is motvated by race or if the person dislikes you because of your behavior. Lastly, it doesn’t challenge that systemic racism is a myth because he wasn’t fired or denied an income opportunity because of it. He just had to work for an asshole boss the same as a lot of people in the corporate world. Finally, if it was an example, it doesn’t change the conlusion which is based on the data that represents the norm.

There was a comment I made at work that was morally wrong on facevalue but not based on the context I was considering the comment in. At work shortly before or after I provided the basis for why Covid-19 restrictions were not necessary someone mentioned people aggressively confronting people in public spaces for not wearing masks. I saw one of these videos awhile back of a middle aged woman in a store where I don’t believe there were mandates being swarmed, yelled at, and threatend by people in the store about not wearing a mask. This was in part my context for what he was mentioning.

I responded that those people need their mother fucking ass whooped. Face value if people are talking to you and trying to encourage you to put a mask on because they’re ignorant obviously it isn’t justifable to whoop their ass. The issue is they cannot be reasoned with, because they accept the idea that mask save lives because this is an opinion they’ve heard by a moneky in a lab coat. You cannot explain to them 1st, that if masks are effective then the act of wearing a mask protects those at risk from the virus whether I’m wearing one or not. 2nd, that the virus is comparable to the flu in strength and who can die from it. That 94% of people who have died have had underlying conditions, with an average of 2.5 conditions present per fatality. That not the presence of an underlying condition alone puts a person at risk for death but the severe advanceent of medical conditions, evident by the fact that of those who have underlying medical conditions 93.5% survive. The Uros Seljak conclusion that your risk of dying of the virus is about the same as your risk of dying of natural causes within the next year. Which means most of what we destroyed the economy for and psychologically damaged huge portions of the population for, including children, greatly decreasing everyone’s quality of life, was primarily to extend the lives of people by 1 to 12 months.

The promotion of the exaggerated danger has served industrial interests like the media, large and online retailers, tech companies, pharmacutical companies, others, and political interests who serve those interests.

The point being, since the bulk of those people who have a risk of death represent .5% of the population as 1.75 million die of natural causes in a years time, and 99% of the population will experience varrying degrees of sickness and recovery the same as with the flu, the virus does not qualify as a threat to public safety.

The issue is, the people who are most zealous about controlling the spread of covid are those people who do not understand how to assess risk based on data, instead they accept opinions as fact based on the people that they like. They cannot be reasoned with. If threatening and aggressive, beating their ass is justifiable if they are imposing spaitial restrictions using threats and intimidation.

When I made my statement it was absent my internal context, and the statement was made in part just to offend west coast attitudes towards violence. My knee was also hurting, my legs hurting, I was half sick, and I hate the kind of ignorant fucking people he was describing. I remember on Facebook awhile back after explaining the data from the CDC and what it meant this stupid bitch on facebook said I listen to doctors and experts. It was so sickening because the bitch couldn’t even parrot an explanation that challenged the explanation I provided which was based on a source that was the authority of her general position. You realize just how stupid people are, where they feel strongly about things they have 0 understanding of, but accept them based on how they reinforce their preferred perception of the world.

This living arrangement is ridiculous. On another morning I heard her tell Rick she wanted him to move in. She whispered to him I can give the tenant back his rent. Rick declined probably as much out of his aversion to living here as his understanding that 1: if she tried to do that I wouldn’t leave, and 2: I have a written and signed as well as recorded agreement that upon the payment of $400 I am renting this room until the 15th of January.

Although not my business, it’s interesting in consideration of just how shitty these people are. Rick was talking to presumably a family member in Florida. He said he was going to see if his mom wanted to get a place with him in Florida. Rick doesn’t have any money so it really translates to he’s going to try to convince his mom to get a place in Florida and leech off of her. The next day Rick is here and Diane calls her mom. She leads in with how Rick told her that she (their mom) doesn’t like it where she’s at, that she’s yelled at if she even drops a crumb. Her mom seemed to refute the idea because Diane said why would Rick say that if you like it there? Rick told her it’s because Denise (the lady she lives with probably her other daughter) must be right there.

She passes the phone to Rick and Rick leads in that he was talking with I think Randy and makes it seem as if it was this guy’s idea about bringing her down to Florida. Tells her about all the stuff they could do for her down there. Judging by the conversation she doesn’t seem interested. Following the resistance Rick reminds her of some nice thing he did for her, seemingly intent on causing her to feel good about him to give the idea more consideration. The call ended shortly after. I presume the mother by now is privy to her son’s manipulative tactics.

I woke up that day and the internet was out. I presumed after all of her grievances related to me not being her servant she may have just unplugged the router. Which was fine, wifi was a bonus not something that was part of the rental agreement the same as caregiving services were not a part of the rental agreement. She asked me if the internet was working? I said no. She said they must have shut it off. Then she said she owed $280 on the bill. To which she had the audacity to add I used to have tenants help me with the bill. Like I’m going to fork out $140 after being here 2 weeks for her internet bill that probably represents 3 or more months in arrears. I told her maybe she’ll find a tenant who will do that in the future.

Later that day, I returned home from the gym and she was in Ricks car smiling and waving to me, despite having been shitting on me for the past 3 days when I’ve been a model tenant. I waved back but I was irritated by comments Rick made. He made it a point to say to her “you just have to let me know when to pick you up”? He said this a few times the first time he took her to the casino and the only reason he says it is to appear to me as if he’s just giving her a ride and not getting anything from her. I don’t care. When she initially brought everything up to me about Rick and the supposedly stolen Walmart card I was willing to help her. I did this by telling her she had to say no, showing how he tried to manipulate her on Christmas, and agreeing to hold onto her money. But at the end of the day it is her decision, and based on how she has tried to portray me to Rick, eventhough I still think he’s a piece of shit, I know she is just as manipulative as he is for other purposes.

This morning I wake up and hear someone walking and say something about straight down the hallway. A few moments later my door opens. There’s a young man there and I say can I help you? He says excuse me and closes the door. First thoughts were that Diane was showing the room. Then I get up because this guy may have been trying to burglerize the house. I go to the living room and then outside, and he’s gone. I was upset with myself for not moving quicker. Later Diane returned and I went to tell her that someone was in the house but the young man was with her. It appeared he was helping her with something and may have opened my door by mistake.

It also seems possible, especially since she probably lost all her money at the casino that she thinks she can move someone in on the 1st, charge them a full months rent for 400, and then give me 200 for my half month in January to make $200. She’s going to be sorely fucking mistaken if she tries, because I’m not going anywhere until the 15th.

It’s sick to have to deal with this bullshit. Other than her knocking on my door late at night, and my unwillingness to allow her to manipulate me into being her servant I’m a perfect tenant. I’m quiet, I clean up after myself, I don’t complain, and prior to her thinking I was obligated to do things for her I helped her out regularly. Now I won’t do shit for her, other than take the garbage to the curb because I put garbage in there so I perceive it as my responsibility.

Despite what I wrote about not doing shit for her, I was still kind enough to plunge the toilet she clogged, explain to her where she could post a service for her brother on Craigslist, and emptied her garbage into the trash before brining the trash to the curb. While it could be argued that I unclogged the toilet for my own purposes, I was pretty set on using the toilet at the gym and if need be pissing in the shower and washing it down with soap if need be. It would be more work but I don’t like the games and I’m not very deeply moved by her 10 year old girl personna she uses in interaction. So yes, it was almost worth it to me to go through scheduling a shit at the gym every day, and pissing in the shower and washing it down with soap, just so she would have to put in the 10 plunges of effort that I put in to unclog the toilet.

After returning from the gym she asked if she could talk with me as I walked back to my room. When I sat down to talk to her she said when I opened the door it scared her. She didn’t seem visible shaken. She asked if I would use the back door and I agreed or told her I would knock prior to entering. Maybe now she thinks she can use whatever medical condition she may or may not have to kick me out. The problem is, I’ve been coming and going for 17 days and this is the first day it’s been a problem? She has had other roomates here and never commented about how the door opening has startled her. Piece of shit fucking people, and now I regret unclogging the toilet and taking her trash out.

She attempts to manipuate into helping her by creating sympathy, which is why she tells people she has stage 5 cancer, and talks bad about other people being bad to her to other people. If her tactics at manipulation fail, then she becomes vindictive. I’m definitely not using the back door and I’m going to let her know that in the morning. If she wants to play the game I will knock before I come because I don’t believe that’s too unreasonable, eventhough the problem is manufactured. I don’t think it’s only about me not doing things for her she’d like me to do for her, I think it’s more my isolation from her altogether, where she craves attention that I’m not interested in providing. The manufacture of problems is also motivated by that need for attention, where the value for the act comes from the feelings associated with social interaction.

As I mentioned I continued to use the front. And she didn’t say anything else about it for a day. Today she wakes up from a nap walks past my room and says you need to start using the back door. I told her I’m not using the back door because for 16 days there was no problem with using the front door, other people are still using the front door and you have no problem with it, and you can’t change the rental agreement mid month. I told her she’s manipulative, and vindictive, and the only reason she wants me to use the backdoor is because I won’t do what she wants me to do. She started yelling, and I told her I’m not using the back door and if she locks and refuses to open it I’m calling the police. She then repeated I got something to tell them.

The fact is, I have done nothing to this woman other than not doing things she wants me to do for. That’s her only grievance with me and it was not part of the agreement that I would plan meals with her, clean up for her, run errands for her, or do yard work for her. I do hope she actually does have cancer, and I do believe she’ll be going to hell. That’s tyrant behavior, one to try to use someones emotions to feel bad for you, to do things for you they wouldn’t otherwise do. 2nd, when you do not do what she wants, she imposes. In the presumption of the survival of consciousness after death, and the existence of a space where liberty is the morality of that space, then a space of tyranny must also exist, where individual liberty depends on your association with powerful individual groups. A place of tyranny as is consistent with your mode of operation. Hell should exist, and if it does, she will be going there. Not because I have a problem with her, or because of this incident, but because it demonstrates her propensity to impose. That is her mode of operation. Tyranny for the tyrants. Glad to see she’s sucking down those Time cigarettes.

She did score one victory in her quest to be vindictive. I smoked a joint in my room since I planned on not going to the gym, relaxing playing poker, and writing. I had on previous occsassions and I guess on those occasions she didn’t notice. 1st, I didn’t think it was a problem because she smokes ciegarettes in the house and it was never brought to my attention that I couldn’t. Nevada has legalized the recreational use of marijuana. Now she said she can’t have marijuanna smoke in her house because of her condition, where if she was concerned about aggravating her conditon she wouldn’t smoke, and wouldn’t smoke in her house. I know it is just her being vindictive, but it is a reasonable rule that I don’t have a problem respecting. I’ll step outside.

Today when I came on the porch she thought I was Rick and began to say he Rick and ask a question. This detail become relevant further a long in this entry. I walked past and she said “do you need the key back for your lock?” Shortly after I moved in I purchased a gym membership. I bought a lock at Walgreens intending to put my things in a locker at the gym and lock it. Unfortunatley the locker section of the gym is closed.

After her Walmart card was stolen or after she staged the incident, she said she wanted to lock the gate. Having a lock I didn’t need for the gym I told her she could use the lock and gave her a key. It was on the gate for about a day and then I asked her if she wanted me to take it off and she did. I told her I didn’t need the key back, and it’s true I didn’t need the key back since I have another key, but the value of having a spare key is not greater than having to interact with her to get it. The act of avoiding her is of higher value than is the key. She said “should I throw it out”, and I said “that’s fine”.

I’m in my room a few minutes and she couldn’t resist the opportunity to try and start some shit. She said “can you knock before you come in so I have some warning you’re coming”? If you remember I explained she said the reason why she wanted me to use the back door was because suddenly, after 16 days of using the front door, on the 17th day she was startled. Me knocking on the door is something that will give her a heads up. But when I was walking up the mother fucking stairs this bitch started talking to me believing I was Rick. Which means she heard and hears me when I’m walking up the stairs. Instead of explaining this to her, where she’ll try to talk over me which naturally causes me to try to talk over her to finish my point, I just ignored her. Since she wants my attention and wants to provoke a response, I’ll completely ignore her until I leave. She can say whatever she wants to say and I’m not going to acknowledge her. Kind of like the academic community and general public does when I’m attempting to explain something to them that undermines their beliefs.

I returned home from the gym after dark, it was probably about 6pm. The lights were off in the living room and there was a fake plant placed in the walk way that leads to my room. I don’t know if she expected me to fall down or if she was just hoping that it provoked some kind of response.

There has been a cigarette butt on the floor in the hallway I think since I’ve been here. The nasty used piece of toliet paper has been on the floor in the bathroom for 3 days now, and this morning I found feces on the front of the toilet seat. I believe the toilet paper on the floor (I use flushable wet wipes not toilet paper) has been left there because it will give her some kind of satisfaction if I clean it up, probably the same as feces on the toilet seat. I’ve made plans to use the toilet at the gym. Below are the pictures.

I turned the light on to take the picture but the room was completely dark. I was coming in from the opposite side as the front door is to the right of the chair in this picture. I thought it was pretty funny but it surprised me how important it is to her to cause me any kind of problem that she can. I haven’t done anything to this woman. I’m quiet, I don’t talk to her anymore, I was helpful, and I clean up after myself.

This nasty used piece of toilet paper has been sitting on the bathroom floor 3 days. If not for the fact that I believe it has been left there so I would pick it up I would pick it up just because it is disgusting, but I refuse to give her that satisfaction. It was more towards the middle of the bathroom floor and I kicked it towards nearer to the wall. The toilet brush which has a small cannister that it sits in was also sitting on the floor with the canister on the other side of the toilet. I needed to use the brush since I still clean up after myself despite her being a nasty person. After use I did return the brush to the canister and return the canister and brush to where it is typicaly situation to the rear of the toilet. Had I not needed to use the brush I’d have left it strewn about.
That is fecal matter on the inner front part of the toilet seat and it appears to be fecal matter smeared on the upper inner edge. I’m also not cleaning this up, as I said I’ll use the toilet at the gym. This woman is not incapacitated where she is physically unable to do these things. She claims she has bone cancer and maybe she does, but this doesn’t prevent her from performing basic tasks. She cooks, she has cleaned the toilet before, she takes the cab to the casino and back, and is fully capable of cleaning up after herself.
Maybe I’m a little petty for this picture but I noticed this cigarette butt in the hallway when I was takng the bathroom pictures and it has been there for at least 3 weeks since moved in.

She has offered me $100 to leave a week early, but the inconveinence of leaving a week early isn’t worth the $100 since I still have to be here through the 15th if I need to work between the 8th and the 15th. I suppose it depends on whether I get my stimulus and purchase a car this week.

Not much new today but the day is still fresh. Today there is more shit on the toilet seat and what appears to be shit on the floor in the bathroom.

It’s interesting just how accurate my understanding of this woman’s behavior is. She began by claiming she had cancer (she may but probably does not) and depicting her brother as a person who was exploiting her for money in an effort to gain my sympathy to gain my attention and get me to do things for her. She also called different people in her family and complained about her brother to them. When this tactic was unsuccessful she attempted to create issues for me and complained to her brother in an effort to gain his sympathy. Each day she calls her mom and probably others saying that she can’t take me being here, that she wakes up and counts down the days. She told her mom she doesn’t feel comfortable going into the living room with me being here. She tries to depict me as a drug addict claiming I’m a druggie. These claims are not a product of my behavior effecting her in anyway but her interaction with other people is relies on her making herself out to be a victim to get attention and to have people do things for her.

Today she knocked on my door and said her mother was offering me 150 dollars to leave tomorrow. Again what do I do? I’m quiet to the point where she doesn’t know when I’m here or not as evidenced by several occasions when I’ve been here and her brother has been here and she commented to him that she didn’t think I was here before and after talking shit about me that had nothing to do with any specific examples of behavior. I do not use the kitchen because it is typically disgusting and there are often roaches present sometimes during the day. The presence of bugs affects the flavor of the food and my appetite. I use the bathroom, but only to urinate since I refuse to clean up her feces from the seat. I also take showers. I don’t go in any other area of the house unless I’m passing through the living room to leave. If she is in the living room I don’t look at her or say anything to her coming or going unless she says something to me, and my answers to the point and stated matter of factly. I have not complained about any of her behavior, not when she stomps through the hall, not when she slams her door, not when she’s talking shit about me on the phone, not when she woke at 4:30am on NYE and turned the TV up watching fire works from around the world or anything she does. There is no basis for her to say she doesnt feel comfortable doing anything, because with the exception on telling her not to knock on my door I haven’t complained or told her I had a problem with anything she does.

As I mentioned previously, I did smoke a joint in my room about a week ago. The reasoning being she smokes cigarettes in the house so I didn’t think it was a big deal and hadn’t been told that it wasn’t allowed. When she told me she had an issue with it I haven’t smoked any marijuanna in the house or even in the park. More importantly, whether I smoke or I do not smoke it does not adversely affect my behavior. In fact I would contend that it has a positive impact on behavior in the house because it facilitates thoughts that supress emotions that arise due to her constant harrassment, which is both direct and indirect.

Today when I left the gym I had a small joint rolled. To put this into context I can get about 8 to 10 joints out of a gram of marijuanna, and a gram typically lasts me over a week. I decided not to smoke it when I finished at the gym.

Today I came back from the gym. I was watching Tour Bus Tales on my phone and was probably as loud as I’ve been since I’ve been here, because the stories are funny and I laugh loud. The sound of my laughter must be infuriating to her. I presume on this cause and effect relationship because she hates me because I won’t give her my attention and apply my energy to her tasks.

I took a break from watching the show to send a message about a car on ebay I was interested in. I heard her on the phone with her mother making the complaints that I described above about how I’m a druggie, and how she doesn’t feel comfortable going in the living room for which there is no explanation based on my behavior for her to feel that way, but is something she can say to portray herself as a victim for sympathy and attention.

When she came to the door and unnecessarily knocked on the door to tell me her mother was offering $150 to leave I went through the summary of my behavior and asked what she had a problem with? She just said it’s not working out. I told her about herself being manipulative and vindictive and that her issues are in her head and stem from me not doing what she wanted me to do. On the previous occasion, she stuck her fingers in her ears and repeated I don’t want to hear it which is why from that point forward I tried to ignore her unless she said or asked something that required a response. She concluded on this occasion by saying she doesn’t want a druggie in her hhouse.

There are a few points here 1: I smoke a very small amount of marijuanna a few times per week(legal in Nevada), so A: I’m not a druggie, and B: I respect her preference to not smoke it in the house. 2: When I do smoke, it does not produce behavior in me that is disruptive or outwardly deviates from my behavior when I haven’t smoked. Even if I smoked all day everyday it wouldn’t matter because it has no negative impact on behavior as a tenant. 3: Had I smoked my joint, I probably wouldn’t have said anything to her other than I’ll consider the offer and let her know in the morning. I believe that the marijuana would have had a positive impact on my behavior.

I was considering the offer but it was contingent upon the seller of the car I was interested in amswering questions I had about the car in a way that would have created confidence in the purchase. The car was in Phoenix, the auction ends tomorrow at 8am. If I was going to buy the car I would take the 150, leave tomorrow on a bus to Phoenix (flights were over $100 on short notice) pick up the car and drive it back to Vegas because I have work on Monday and Tuesday.

Unfortunately, the seller’s response did not create confidence as he told me he bought it at an auction for his son, drove it 1 mile at 40mph, let it idle for 20 mins, and doesn’t know anything else about it. It seems very unlikely to me that you would purchase a car and not take it on the freeway and drive it a little bit to see what you got. I’m not purchasing the car and will be staying probably until the 15th, but at least until Wednesday.

I’ve added this portion not to promote the benefits of marijuanna, but just as a reflection of how well I read this woman’s behavior. Something I discussed with my daughters mother. I’ve observed her victim promoting manipulative behavior in pretty much everyone of her relationships. I wonder if she is conciously aware of this or if it is all subconciously driven? What I mean by this is subconciously she knows that attention and people doing things for her feels good, and it may not only be a product of the feelings inherent to social interaction, or the feeling associated with the helpful acts, but also feelings of self worth where the attention and the acts represent evidence of her value to others. The attention and help.feels good and subconciouly, the way to experience those sensations is by making people feel sorry for her. As she’s doing this, she may not be conciously aware that this is what she is doing. Her hatred for me is a product of her not being able to extract that joy that seeks to extract through the methods she’s adopted to extract that joy from others. She doesn’t know why she behaves how she behaves and doesn’t know why she doesn’t like me but knows she doesn’t like me. This is why the only thing she can say is it isn’t working out and I’m a druggie.

I know why I don’t like her, morally she’s a tyrant and constantly harasses me despite the fact that I have lived up to and exceeded all my obligations as a tenant. She’s had over 50 years to ask questions about herself and her relationships and instead has been satisfied to be this imposing and manipulative person that she has become because it feels good to her. When people don’t do what she wants tries to create problems for them. I don’t have any sympathy for her, and I take satisfaction in knowing that if conciousness survives death, consciousness must be morally seperated based on morality, because morality determines freedom of motion. Those whose morality is governed by liberty do not impose on others, and seek to prevent or remove imposition. Whereas the tyrant will impose unless a consequnce can imposed against the tyrant. In a space of tyranny everyone is imposed on by those who they cannot impose a consequence against and imposes on those who cannot impose a consequence against them. This means heaven is eternal liberty and absence of imposition and hell is eternal tyranny, and everyone gets what they understand and apply. When I say I have no sympathy for her, I’m saying good for her if she does have cancer, I’m glad that she is stressing herself out, and I’m confident and satisfied that she’ll be going to hell should conciousness survive death as I’m confident that it does.

This is what a 1\10 of a gram joint looks like and this druggie averages 4 to 6 week, occasionally 2 a day, but not everyday. Thought I’d provide the image since I mentioned the quantity.

Friday at about 5am I heard her talking on the phone which consisted of the usual general allusion to things that depicted my behavior as something it was not and talk about giving me $150 to leave that day. I was fed up, came out of the room and yelled at her spelling everything out to her, voicing my suspicions about whether she even had cancer, and saying unnecessary mean things like her brother didn’t like her. After this she seemed accepting of the fact I was going to be there on those terms and seemed intent on leaving me alone.

For the rest of the day she seemed intent on convincing me that she did have cancer calling doctors and nurses and telling them she hadn’t been taking her medicine and order medicine which did come today.

Last night I bought a car from an auction, the details of which are in the article gambled and lost. I did not want to continue in the acrimony while I was adding a car to the situation. I anticipated all kinds issues with parking my car, and probably performing routine maintenece and now almost definitely having to perform a major repair.

I didn’t return until after 11 and she was sleeping, probably believing I was in my room all the while. I washed a sink full of dishes but not all the dishes. I was going to wash all the dishes but she came out of her room to use the bathroom and I didn’t want to explain why I was doing it.

This was better because it left me an out in case I was asked, and that is I needed to use the sink.

She woke up and I heard her on the phone talking shit. She started playing this wear and tear from me laying on the bed card real hard. She said “he thinks he lives here”, lol. Yeah I’m renting a fucking room, but my room and the bathroom are the only rooms I go in.

After she got off the phone she saw my car in the drive way. She thought it was her nieces Ashley and began calling her name. I came out and nicely told her that I bought a car and we exchanged a few friendly words.

Later I told her if she needed to show the room when I’m not home, that I would be working Monday and Tuesday and wouldn’t be back until at least 3.

I also used the back door but this was more a matter of convenience since I was going to and from my car parked on the slab which is nearest to the back door. She was happy about that despite the fact that her purposes for having me use the back door were illegitimate. She was happy that I was doing what she wanted.

Later in the day her medicine arrived and after she took it and rested she said she felt better. She seemed high, she was unable to remember my name but this wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, but what was out of the ordinary is she was calling me other people’s names. I don’t know if they sent her pain pills or if it was just chemo but she was very nice but also seemingly not all there.

Prior to her taking her medication my willingness to do what she wanted had an effect on her behavior and disposition towards me. Whether or not this was amplified by her medication I don’t know, but either way it achieved the desired effect.

She may believe that me knowing she has cancer caused me to change my behavior, but I remember the last 2 weeks. I still don’t care if she doesn’t wake up. What I was concerned with is having an issue with her that jepordizes being able to have my car here since I now have very little money, and being without the ability to legally have my car on the streets.

I’m forced to change how I interact with her and make the extra effort to maintain harmony to protect my interests, which is maintaining a space and area to keep and work on my car.

It confirms my read on her subconcious functions.

My last week was pretty peaceful as I went out of my way to do things for her and even loaned her money for a pack of cigarettes which I went to the store to get for her. She apologized repeatedly for her behavior, blaming it on not taking her cancer treatment medication, which happend to coincide with me buying the car and catering to her desire to have me do things for her. Then her phone conversations turned towards shitting on Rick.

She found a new friend, early 30s who woild watch TV, listen to music, and do things for her. He seemed to have his own issues as he expressed to her that he talked to walls. This was during my last 2 to 3 days. During this period I heard her on the phone one morning saying he’s got to be out, I don’t care if he has money problems his money problems aren’t my fucking problem. I didn’t have money problems persey, I had a timing problem where I was getting paid the day I was moving out and had to fix the car that day. Days prior she asked if I needed to stay an extra day or week.

Psychology would say she is bipolar and try to medicate a good feeling in her in an effort to stabalize her mood, but doesn’t understand the values and mechanisms that motivate her behavior. If you’re doing things for her providing her something of substance or attention she is happy and you’re a wonderful person. She has a short memory and to portray herself as the victim to others she will misrepresent to others once even the shortest amount of time has passed since you last did something for her. This victim presentation is as I’ve already stated is for the satisfaction that comes from the attention she receives or what a person will do for her. Her behavior is also immoral, where if she understood liberty as the basis and could understand her behavior through SCA she could develop into a better and more satisfied person. She like most people is only concerned with what she understands to produce positive feeling. The same as a junkies behavior is chasing a high, people chase the same thing through behavior. In Diane Floods case that chase is portraying herself as a victim to others to gsin their sympathy to manipulate them inti to doing things for her and giving her attention. When those tactics fail she will do whatever she is able to make things difficult for the person who doesn’t do what she wants them to do, or give her the high she’s chasing. There’s obviously nothing wrong with doing what makes you feel good unless what you do to make you feel good is harmful to others. Which is the case with Diane and people generally who choose their reality based on what facts preserve the good feelings they derrive from objects as I often write about.

I speculate that she would recieve a bipolar dianosis because her problems with people come out of no where once she isn’t being stimulated and then dissapate just as quickly once she is stimulated with attention. This is why her morning ritual is to call people and tell them how hard other people are making her life, because it gains the attention of others. After her friend left since I was leaving she decided to start in with me about how long it was taking to finish my car. Instead of venting my frustration of her making a difficult situation more difficult through her distractions and harassment I pleaded with her. I told her I that she knew I had to work on my car, that I would be done as soon as I could get done, and promised her I’d be out that day. She noticed I had half a doctor pepper and asked if she could have my doctor pepper? I took one more drink and gave it to her. Later on when her friend didn’t come back when she told him to come back she started in again, but this time I let her have it. I was far enough along where if she called the police and told them she wanted me off the property I could have the car movable and change the spark plugs in a parking lot by the time they got there. I was also confident that if I talked to the police and told them that this day was my check out and she agreed to let me fix my car before I left they would allow me to finish.

Things turned around again after this. Once her mood changed I offered her 2 dollars for a water and a cigarette. My vape was out of juice and my hands were too greasy for me to get to my juice without getting a lot things dirty that I didn’t want to get dirty. She daid she didn’t have any but took the $2 and gave me 2 waters. I told her I would get her a pack once I finished my car. Later she got a cigarette from her neighbor that she shared with me.

When I left I didn’t bring her back a pack of cigarettes, because I remember not only how much of a cunt she was to me that day, but how she had treated me poorly for no good reason in the two weeks preceding me buying the car when I gave her what she wanted in service to get what I wanted in peace of mind about my car being there. The garbage was full of leaves, something I discovered when I deposited a bag of packaging, my old water pump, thermostat and other items in a bag into it. When I finished I had a few more packages, empty water jugs, and a jug with the old coolant in it. I lined the items up in a row and left them. Something intended to aggravate her but was probably an asset to her cause. An asset because 1st she can call everyone up and tell them how I left her driveway a mess to get sympathy and attention, and second, because Rick or her neighbor will probably throw the items out so she’ll feel happy someone did something for her.

I’m glad she has cancer to me she is well deserving. I’m also glad she’s fighting that cancer with Time cigarettes, a poor diet, and no physical activity, with the exception of performing infrequent short duration basic movements with her fat ass like walking from her bed to her chair that sounds like shes engaged in an intense aerobic workout. I don’t wish good things for shitty people.

Yes I understand that in the final week I was being manipulative to serve my interests, but this was a necessity based on her behavior. Otherwise, I’d have been the same respectful and honest person I always am.