Leaving Wisconsin

(This was my author page when I left Wisconsin in November of 2020 so it begins and takes on the tone of a short bio but expresses where I was at leaving Wisconsin)

What are my goals? What is it I want? It’s actually very simple: money and the attention required to teach my material (probably teach others to teach my material) and promote ideas that further human interests: increasing human intelligence, creating opportunities for a more equal distribution of income and time, the achievement of a more capable and popular interest serving government, and other ideas that advance individual liberty.

You can’t imagine what it feels like to know what I know and to watch people and the world function as it does. It’s quite literally feels like an episode of the twilight zone. I’m born into this world where people are completely full of shit, and so I become full of shit until I become interested and objective in understanding what I see. I was naive enough to believe that if you understand the functions that produce a negative result, then you can find a solution, and people will be receptive to it and support it. The exact opposite is true, where truth offends all biases, and people make true and false assignments based on how information reinforces or challenges their bias.

Consoling thought: In 100 years just about everyone who is alive today will be dead, and then they will know how far up their asses their heads were for their entire lives.

The subconscious mind is always set to an objective or objectives to produce a positive feeling. The value (1) of many objects (2) is derived from ideas of what is true about these objects. The subconscious mind protects the value of these objects by imposing a negative feeling when a person is exposed to information that challenges their beliefs, because these beliefs are required for these objects to produce positive feelings. To greater or lesser degrees there is the potential for a loss of self worth which also carries with it a negative feeling depending on the individual’s value structure.

1: Value refers to the distinction in the quality of feelings that objects produce.

2: Object describes everything that can be distinguished from everything else, including immaterial objects such as thoughts, feelings, and actions.

This mechanism causes people to avoid and ignore what challenges their beliefs and to consume and pursue what reinforces their beliefs. People’s joy in life relies on a false perception of reality, and the willingness to choose a preferred reality over the reality that is is responsible for nearly every issue on the planet. Self deception, followed by the unequal distribution of opportunities to have time and money (which is indirectly a product of self deception) is the root of all human problems, and I am personally affected by it.  

I’ll skip the childhood disadvantages, and the 6 years of incarceration and the values that developed those circumstances produced.  I’m 38 years old.  I have about $900, a few pairs of shoes, clothes, a few pieces of jewelry, a handful of misdemeanor warrants in Wisconsin for allegedly writing checks from my bank account after it was closed (4 charges, 9 months each, total value of all the checks was less than $1000 dollars), and possessing less than 3 grams of marijuana(9 month charge), all dating back to 2015. (As of 11/8) While 5 misdemeanor charges carrying 9 months each may not seem like much to worry about. But in Wisconsin they’ve been known to give people 7 month consecutive sentences on 9 month misdomeanor charges. Someone I know received 14 months on 2, 9 month max charges.   

About 8 years ago I was making music and earning money selling drugs (primarily prescription medication and marijuana) which afforded me a good deal of time.  I had questions about why I was as I was and why the world is as it is.  The answers to these questions changed my understanding of the intents with which the world functions.  Milwaukee was toxic for me and still is.  Less so in some respects since most people I know are dead, or I don’t fuck with them, or they’re on some different shit and don’t fuck with me. It’s complicated and I don’t pretend to understand it all, but other than my daughters mother, my daughter, and my guy Tone, I don’t associate with anyone there, including family which means it’s less toxic but there are other issues.  

In 2014 I left Milwaukee for Los Angeles with a very little bit of money; enough to rent a room intending to find a job and begin promoting my ideas among those who seemed to be interested in addressing the same problems.  

As I would understand better as I gained experience, activists are interested in justice causes to advance their personal interests, not in advancing understanding and solutions to those problems.  I’ve written about the functions elsewhere, but when you understand the underlying functions that produce the causes they claim to be for addressing, their motivation becomes apparent.  Apparent because many of their causes are baseless which they would understand if they researched the subject which they would do if they were truely concerned with soutions. They are not interested in understanding the subject because they will uncover information that challenges their beliefs.  I’ll spare you the results of my efforts which again I’ve shared in other places, but needless to say all people avoid challenging information by refusing to address that information and ignoring the source.  

My life soon consisted of working to survive where I didn’t have the time and energy to work on my material and the money I was making was insufficient to produce any accumulation.  I gave the woman I was renting a room from two weeks notice and decided I would live on the street to work on my material. I held a sign to make money to sustain myself.  Eventually I reasoned there was no need to stay in Los Angeles and traveled through ride shares and buses that led me up the west coast to Seattle and Portland.  After a few months I returned to Wisconsin.  

Almost as quickly as I arrived I wanted to leave.  I had no warrants at that time.  My daughter’s mother had two vehicles. One was a car she came into possession of because the owner was incarcerated for a long period of time. The second was a van that belonged to an elderly man who she helped take care of who told her to junk it because the wheel hub assembly was bad.  I changed the wheel hub assembly and returned to the west coast having discovered a market for ride shares in my previous experience.

I was transporting “trimmigrants” as they were called back and forth between the San Francisco Bay area to Arcata and points along the way on the 101 as I worked on material.  Typically sleeping in the van.  After dropping off passengers I was in San Francisco near the end of Mission st by San Jose Blvd, (the border of San Francisco and Daly City) when my van stalled.  There may have been a bang and I had been experiencing issues with it for some time.  I was able to restart it but there must have been very little compression.  I pressed on the accelerator and could only move at a maximum speed of maybe 5 miles per hour.  There is a song lyric “3 miles per hour”, I thought about it and laughed at the time as I struggled to make it to the Walgreens parking lot, commenting to myself that the group didn’t know shit about 3 miles per hour, I’m about that 3mph life right now.  

I couldn’t keep the van parked at Walgreens, they had signs that they will tow, no overnight parking etc.  A short ways down San Jose Blvd there is a shopping plaza I stayed overnight at a few times when I was laying over to schedule people going up north.  I made it to that shopping center and parked the van.  I applied for the little bit of benefits that were offered, learned where meals were served and places I could shower and do my laundry. I worked on material at the main library for a few months until the van was eventually towed.  

Once the van was towed I stayed in a shelter, found a job with a moving company, and saved enough money to purchase a vehicle.  After which I returned to Wisconsin. 

I was working for a company replacing drain tiles in basements and installing steel beams to prevent block basements from collapsing.  I was trying to save money to leave again.  My issues with this location are extensive.  I talked to an old acquaintance who was having some personal issues and invited me to come work for his business and keep him company in Colorado Springs.  When I arrived he had drug addicts living in his shed and others who frequented his residence.  His business was dead and he wasn’t on the same things I was on.   

I went to Denver because there were more jobs through Craigslist and day labor services than there were in Colorado Springs. When I’m referring to Craigslist jobs there is a gigs section where you’ll typically work on a project lasting one day sometimes multiple days and be paid the same day.  

I received a message and phone call from another acquaintance who asked if I wanted to meet him in Florida for work on some property his dad acquired after receiving a settlement.  I accepted but I left early to transport a puppy to earn money for the trip.  My car died in Florida and the acquaintance succumbed to an injury that prevented him from meeting me there that would postpone the work.  

I junked the car and took a greyhound back to Denver knowing I could work through the day labor service.  I spent some nights on the street and worked everyday work was available.  Other nights I paid $15 to $25 dollars to sleep at someone’s house and shower.  

Soon I found a trailer I rented for $150 a week.  Work came primarily through day labor services.  I saved about $600 and bought a car.  I had issues with the person I was renting the trailer from who wanted me to pay for the propane as well.  At the time the agreement changed I didn’t have enough money after buying the car.  The car was more important than the trailer because the car was a means to earn more money.  

I was working through a private broker of construction labor services. He was basically a sole proprieter of a day labor company. He paid $15 an hour as opposed to the day labor services that were paying about 9.  The management of the actual construction companies were decent in the sense that they would assign simple tasks and leave you alone to complete them.  Construction labor is primarily picking up trash and sweeping with occasional material handling or digging.  

After about two weeks and considering my daily expenses I figured it would take about 6 months for me to save $5000.  The amount I intended to save would be sufficient or me to have some time to refine and promote material.    Which meant it was impossible because I couldn’t perform this work for six months, especially if I ended up assigned to a company with overbearing management.  I cannot accept authority because if there was a legitimate explanation for the direction, policy, or procedure this could be expressed and then the acceptance of authority for the consequence the authority can impose is unnecessary.  

I was on lunch at Subway after considering these things and decided to check the Craigslist gig section to hopefully schedule non-construction laborer work for the following day.  I found an ad seeking a driver of a box truck for at least two weeks for an interstate moving company.  I called and was told to come to the office for an interview and if the interview went well I’d be leaving that night.  Pay was $150 per day flat rate.  

After the first trip I was made foreman and went on a few other trips.  I saved about $7000 in a few months and issues with the owner caused me to quit.  I wanted to save more, $20,000 was my goal but there were issues with the schedule and jobs I was getting and I didn’t want to deal with the bullshit and having no time.  I hated the work, I enjoyed the money, but I had no time.  

Bear in mind, despite what by this time was about 4 years of difficult circumstances, I still sent money to my daughter, even when I was in San Francisco earning only $13 an hour I sent money regularly, bought her a PS4 for Christmas (2015), and when I was earning more money interstate moving I sent more money, paid for their 1st months rent and security deposit for her to move to a new place, met her and her mother in Chicago and paid for activities.  I bring this up to address the lens that I wasn’t contributing to my daughter’s life. She always had a way to get ahold of me and there are certaintly some benefits to my absence for her during this period.

The owner invited me to come back on a 50/50 split on the trips where prior to this I was earning 8% of the close on each job.  Interstate moving is about the customer being in a difficult position where they need their items moved and typically have to pay whatever they are told on the day their items are picked up.  I returned and completed another trip that lasted over a month.  Working everyday, sometimes more than 16 hours a day, sleep, and do it again. Sometimes no sleep for over 48 hours. There was a 4 day period where I worked nonstop on 6 hours of sleep that I describe in the beginning of the article The Florida Ordeal.   

Towards the fall jobs began to slow down.  I had access to the brokers list but the owner typically told me he wasn’t able to get the jobs I was interested in.  He would throw jobs on my lap with no notice sometimes altering my schedule, and there were a lot of things that were very frustrating and seemed intentional.  I was getting very few pickups which is where I made my money and being asked to deliver jobs that weren’t mine from the storage.  The last trip I did I was out for 3 weeks.  In that 3 weeks, we had more profit in the first week after 2 pickups than we had after three weeks.  Which means something to me since he’s setting the schedule and making money with me and many others, while I’m busting my ass everyday. As I’m going over the close I notice where the profit is after a week, and how it went down over the next two weeks. I’ve paid money to work my ass off for two weeks because he’s not scheduling me pick ups and not getting the pick ups I’m trying to schedule.   

There were a few jobs he had me pick up from a company in Dallas while I was down there delivering another job. This detail isn’t relevant to the purposes I am mentioning the pick up but it is interesting. As I signed the papers and left the owner of the company said the paper work was in order (numbers associated with the company) but he called the company and the receptionist he talked to never heard of my partner.

The company he was operating under HQ Movers, which had been changed from High Quality Moving Services, was in trouble with the DOT and due to shut down at the end of October. I’m fairly confident that the receptionist didn’t know him because he was using the company information from a company we worked for as a carrier. In other situations I picked up trucks using different company names. Pristine Moving was an account I picked up trucks from Enterprise under.

 Two of these jobs I picked up in Dallas were not ready to be delivered, one was about a week out and another about two weeks out and we didn’t have a schedule during that period.  It was kind of take two weeks off except for this day and then take another week off and deliver this job. 

Since I was on the road except for a few days maybe once a month I didn’t have a place and I needed to be near Olathe, KS, then Minneapolis to deliver these jobs.  There was another issue with a job I had going to Wisconsin which by that time I had warrants and was terrified to go to.  I’m bleeding (money) badly during this period.  

After these jobs were finished he told me we’d put together another trip soon.  He had issues with the DOT with the company he had and had to start a new company.  This wasn’t the first time.  He’d acquire the papers of defunct moving companies that had active DOT numbers as I understood it, put “a partner’s name” as the head and himself as the VP so to speak.  Transition from one company to another company avoiding the process of waiting to get approved by the DOT.  I was waiting to hear from him and it is expensive to live temporarily.  I had probably about $7000 when he told me we were ready to go.  I stopped by the office and picked up the paperwork for the jobs he scheduled as well as the new contracts for the new company name I’d be working under.  

I was driving from Denver to Kansas City expecting to pick up a truck the day after the following and to do the first pick up.  The next day while I’m still on my way to KC he calls me and tells me he picked up a good job in Illinois but I have to get there tonight.  I was resistant to the idea because I wouldn’t be able to get to the job until about 7 or 8 at night and it meant driving non-stop from where I was on I70 in western Kansas to Springfield, IL.  I saw the items list and it didn’t seem to be that good of job.  It was small and was going to Panorama City, CA where the price we pay to the carriers who tend to exaggerate the size was high.  He begged me to take this job and I eventually relented. I was appreciative of the opportunity he gave me which caused me to be more flexible with things I typically would not be flexible about.

I made it to Springfield late, after dark, rented a Uhaul and went to the job.  The woman who I’d spoken to earlier came to the door on the phone and told me to wait a minute, closed the door and continued on the phone.  The new contracts were much different than the other contracts and I hadn’t had the opportunity to study them which affects my presentation since I use the contract and the truck in quoting the price (I usually don’t use uhauls they’re different trucks than Penske, Ryder, Budget, and Enterprise).  When I spoke to her she told me she had a flight to catch in the morning and had to have her items moved that night.  Since my presentation was fucked up because of the new contracts and using a uhaul, the price I quoted her wasn’t as high as I typically could have charged her.  She cancelled the move anyway which made no sense considering the circumstances.   

It didn’t make any sense and while I won’t describe what I speculate was happening because in isolation it seems paranoid, it fit a pattern of behavior from the owner that I’d been observing for the last two months or so of our business relationship.  I was done and decided not to play the game and just stopped returning his phone calls.  

Interestingly enough, I had about the amount of money I thought I needed to save to go somewhere, refine and promote material, and begin creating progress towards realizing my goals.  While there are a lot of different motivating forces, the main underlying force is bridging the gulf between what is and what people choose to believe is, and this directly impacts my liberty, materially as well as socially.  While that assertion may sound strange, it is rooted in fact of function that has never been challenged.  

I spent a week in Blue something (I think Springs, Blue Springs) MO, 20 miles or so east of Kansas City, MO.  There was a motel there I stayed at previously that had a low weekly rate and I needed to figure out what I was going to do.  I attended a discussion through Meetup in Kansas City.  I wasn’t as sharp as I had been in the past but having been away from material, and the subject being something that I wasn’t invested in at the time, I was impressed with my performance overall considering how long it had been since I participated in such a group.  I intended to record the discussion but there was a long lapse in between my participation and I had limited memory on my phone.  There was a small clip that recorded that serves as a bad example of that performance, but expressed an idea that has since been better understood and refined.  

With winter upon us I decided to go somewhere warm.  I didn’t want to go to California despite my preference for the dry warm weather so I went to Florida.  I was pulled over by FHP and arrested on two felonies and 4 misdemeanors for possessing a pipe with marijuana residue, 4 gummy edibles, and a few grams of marijuana.  Possessing it under the assumption that like most places where marijuana is illegal the small amount I had wouldn’t result in much more than a citation.  

It cost me most of the money I had to get out of jail and to get my car out of impound.  I spent the next three months working craigslist jobs, one that was somewhat steady for about two months doing in home assembly of products people ordered through Amazon under another person’s company.  The work was good for about the first week where I’d have multiple jobs in close proximity of one another and made decent money.  Then each week I would have fewer jobs spaced further apart.  Part of this was because he hired me to replace the person who was working for him who had more experience, better tools, and was more skilled as an assembler.  He came back and despite the best efforts of the person I was working for who I appreciate greatly for the opportunity, I couldn’t maintain enough work to get ahead.  

In addition to my material circumstances, I was on bond, I waited almost two months before I received my first court date, and at that court date the next court date was two months after that.  I was living out of my car, showering and working out at Planet Fitness, offering rides and looking for Craigslist jobs while also working on material.  I was wearing down. 

The mother of my daughter offered to let me come stay with her and my daughter while I fought my case.  I was reluctant.  I didn’t want to return to Wisconsin but it proved necessary to effectively fight my case. 

I was in Wisconsin for about week but couldn’t find work.  I called the person who I had been doing Amazon assemblies for and he told me he could find me some jobs if I returned to Florida.  I left Wisconsin a week after I arrived.  I stayed in Florida for a week or two and remembered why I left.  

I came back to Wisconsin.  I returned to Florida for court 4 times after that between February 2019 and October 2019.  I’ve done a lot of writing and my material has evolved to places that wouldn’t have been able to imagine just a year ago.  

Finding work was difficult and it’s dreadful when going to and from the jobs I find.  I’ve interacted with old acquaintances on a few occasions, but interaction is inauthentic and our values different. 

In March I found a job that was supposed to last about 10 weeks going to different stores and changing out the greeting cards and greeting card displays.  The job was supposedly cut short because of Covid-19.  I don’t know if this is actually what happened but I received a text from the foreman that the job was suspended.

We were already working after the shutdown and the text came after a minor conflict with the foreman. One of my coworkers did a poor job of shrink wrapping a pallet of old shelving. As he was bringing it to the back of the store to be disposed of it fell over. The foreman came back to the group and implied that I was the person responsible for wrapping the pallet. In the two weeks or so I had been there there were other times when he placed responsiblity on me for mistakes I didn’t make. Typically I’d say okay because the alternative is telling him who was responsible for something petty and it wasn’t that serious to me. The accumulation of these things and the manner in which he addressed me on this occasion precipitated the response that I didn’t have anything to do with that pallet and I’ve already passively endured previous false accusations. Whether it was my response that night, or if it was actually covid I do not know, but I wasn’t able to work the full 10 weeks and save the money that would have facilitated my departure. Operations should have presumably resumed even if they were suspended in March, and I was never contacted to resume work which implies that the covid suspension was a pretext, and I was actually fired for telling him I wasn’t resposnible for shrink wrapping that pallet.  

Aside from losing the job which may have been lost for other reasons, the covid hysteria has been extremely stressful and imposing.  Covid represents an extreme increase in the vibrancy with which I understand human beings.  What I mean by this is every issue of popular importance should not be popular because it is either the misrepresentation of something to cause it to appear to affect people’s interests, or the positions towards it are limited to those that are invalidated by fact of function.  

1: People accept fact based on authority and choose authority based on how that authority reinforces their perception. If a person likes the person saying something based on that persons association with objects they like, they can be told anything and believe it. They may hear covid 19 represents a threat to public safety and this becomes fact because they like the people who are saying it.  

2: The perception people choose depends on the ideas that cause them to feel good, many of which are false, and there is a never ending increase of false ideas that increase their false perception that cannot be changed because these ideas cause them to feel good.

3: They have very little interest in function (the word function is the expression of motion through cause and effect which is how reality takes place) unless it can be used to advance their bias, but it is rejected whenever the revelation of function shows something they like to be incorrect. Objects are intertwined in the mind where the acceptance of 1 object being false has consequences to a plethora of other objects; objects that serve as a source of good feelings that rely on the cohesion of the individual’s understanding for those objects to produce those good feelings, as well as a massive reduction in self worth. It is the thread pulled that unravels their entire sweater.  

4: For example, if the function is covid 19 produces an effect that is a threat to the object described as public safety,  you can go through the complete motion and underlying motions using facts that are not in dispute and a person will walk away unenriched by your lecture. The acceptance of that fact creates a catastrophic consequence to that individual’s perception, literally taking away the things in life they derive joy and meaning from.  

If the function that Covid-19 is a threat to public safety came to a person through Dr. Fauci, there are implications to the value (feelings produced) of every object that Dr. Fauci is associated with and the objects those objects are associated with.  For example, everyone who has ever said anything positive about Fauci who the individual likes.  If politicians that people like have endorsed this idea these politicians lose value, and politicians are objects that represent the value of other objects like ideas concerning what the world is and how the world should be, they are associated with a political party, which is associated with more perception shaping ideas, some of which are associated with other liked people, freinds, parents, self, and acceptance of this one function not being true can reduce the value of a great many objects. It creates catastrophic consequences to an individuals perception, resulting in a tremendous loss of self worth because people are distinguished from one another based on what they believe is true and what they like, inluding morality. What I mean by reduces the value of all these intertwined objects is that the ability of these objects to produces good feelings (be liked) relies on the cohesion of assignments of truth to these objects. As mentioned, when something challenges these assignments there is a negative feelings imposed which persaudes the conscious mind to resist the information and remove itself from the threat.

What I meant by Covid-19 increases the vibrancy with which I understand human beings what I’m trying to say is I’ve observed these same things in every other issue of popular importance but the vibrancy is increased based on the extent of the consequences, and how many interests are advanced through the exaggeration of the danger, as well as how inconsistent the exaggeration is with what is easily ascertainable from the data.  

All of this is to say, when I talk about being socially isolated I’m talking basic human functions of behavior that preclude the introduction of information that challenges their beliefs. I am a source of that information to all people, so I am a source that people avoid and reject.  The distance between people’s general perception of the world and what is, is very great.  Any interaction eventually finds its way into substantive territory, but even if it doesn’t, interests that rely on a false perception of reality are going to be inconsistent with my interests and I typically don’t make great efforts to pretend to be interested or accepting of things I’m not interested in or accepting of.  

With that said, I otherwise perceive myself as being very likable.  Despite the circumstances I’ve endured and am enduring, as well as circumstances in the first 30 years of my life which could also be described primarily as hellish, my demeanor doesn’t reflect these things.  In social interaction I’m respectful, courteous, complementing, and overlooking of deficiencies that are inconsequential to the purposes of interaction, or are in themself insignificant. 

Helpful and altruistic are accurate descriptions of my behavior, which I don’t highlight or talk about unless it pertains to explaining some function.  My behavior is motivated by the good feelings produced.  Altruism doesn’t exist because a selfless act is the exchange of the substance sacrificed for the good feelings associated with that sacrifice.  The feelings associated with sacrificing whatever substance was sacrificed is greater than the feelings that could be achieved through applying the substance to other purposes.  It is behavior that is popularly valued, typically more in image than in application by most people, but my goals are not associated with people liking me, my goals are associated with people understanding functions.

I’m usually stating some observation that is humerous to me that pertains to the immediate setting or subject of conversation. The point is, I’m much different in person than I am in writing.

All of what I have expressed in here in these various tangents are intended to express my present circumstances.  I could probably stay with my daughter and her mother indefinitely.  Of course whether she admits it or not I am in the way of her potential for increased happiness.  Her life revolves around the satisfaction she experiences through work, maintaining her home, tv shows, helping others, and above all else being able to do things for our daughter.  She is not interested in political, economic, social functions, cognition, or advancing the understanding of these subjects or correcting the issues associated with the present function of these systems.  I believe her life would be enriched by meeting someone who could contribute to those interests and expand on those interests.  While she says she isn’t interested in that the potential for her to experience that and other opportunities to improve her quality of life are limited by my presence.  

My daughter is an amazing 15 year old despite my absences over the last 5 years so, and prior to this I like to believe that my honesty with her has contributed to her development in some respects.  She is at an age where she is becoming confident and assertive in her values.  She is exceptionally intelligent, talented, good spirited, who at 15 is already seriously considering what she wants to do as an adult and excels in her studies.  She takes advantage of her mother’s devotion to her but given their relationship it’s difficult for her not to.  Her mother cleans her room for her, cleans up her messes, and drops everything she’s doing at almost any given time to do what my daughter wants her to do without any notice.  Everytime.  Naturally, if she wants something ask mom and it happens.  She’s not wrong for doing it, her needs present her mother with opportunities to feel good through the service of those needs.  She’s a terrific child transitioning into becoming a young woman.  

She’s become this amazing person as a product of my presence and my absence if there are any questions regarding the impact my absence has had on her.  I’ve been here for more than a year and my value to her has been minimal.  My humor and maybe some things gained from my explanations but other than this my presence is of little value or consequence to her. 

As for me, even if I didn’t have warrants that will most likely result in a year or more of jail time (if apprehended) as I’ll refuse probation and provide an explanation if found guilty that will qualify me as incorrigible, I would not stay in Wisconsin.  These issues do limit my ability to function in Wisconsin and as it stands now it is unlikely that I will be able to improve my circumstances from this location or advance my objectives.  I also perceive myself as a burden to the lives of people I care about.  I have great appreciation for my daughter’s mother and what she has done for me that has facilitated the growth of my understanding.

It’s interesting to consider that had my priorities been different so much would have been lost. I’d be a fraction of what I am today. That fraction was still valuable, but what I have accumulated in the past year is priceless. Had I been more concerned with adjusting my values to maintain employment, saving money, socializing, or developing relationships I wouldn’t have had this. Which isn’t to say these things were completely deprioritized, but they certainly were not front and center. Had they been, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

My car broke down a few months ago.  I no longer have a vehicle.  I could have worked any 9 to 5 type of job and saved money to buy a car or have money to migrate with but I didn’t. I resent the fact that the work I perform in analyzing and providing explanations for systemic functions and the solutions I propose is much more valuable than any manual labor I perform.  How do you think Albert Einstein would feel working at a moving company or day labor service while he was developing general relativity?  This may seem like hyperbole, but what I understand about cognition is comparative to what Einstein understood about physics, and what Sequencing, Comparison, and Assignment means to cognition is comparable to what general relativity means to physics with far greater implications for the advancement of human interests.  I’m still advancing and organizing the material with recent unpublished developments which I will post to my website after I’ve submitted them for publication.  SCA is only one item among many others that has the potential to lead to a more intelligent and freer species.  

There are probably a variety of disorders psychology would apply to me based on my patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior.  Psychology doesn’t have much to do with understanding the human mind, it is largely the categorization of behavioral tendencies contrasted to the general behavior of the public which is really the measure of how well popular values are accepted on an individual basis.  This is a product of how an individual’s mind is shaped by their environment not anything objective about the human mind.  Psychologists subjectively apply causation where like experiences of people who participate in one kind of behavior or whose tendencies cause them to meet the criteria of a category are said to be causes for that behavior. 

Behavior is a product of circumstances because immediate circumstances furnish people with their opportunities to do.  Meaning all people are capable of all behavior depending on their circumstances and their tendencies are a product of what feels good interacting with familar circumstances.  The behavior people describe themselves as engaging in is a product of bias where they will typical report and perceive themselves as engaging in behavior that is consistent with behavior they value while being less likely to recall behavior they have a low value of.  Disorders, personality, and a baseline that normal is normal objectively is a very poor approach to understanding the human mind as the source of thoughts, feelings, and behavior.  

I have very limited means, very limited opportunities to enhance my means.  As I mentioned there were some jobs that I was able to maintain for semi-long durations.  In these jobs I was not subject to any supervision which is few and far between.  The same reason why I sought gig work because I’m providing services not working under the authority of anyone for the most part.  They specify what needs to be done and the manner in which it is accomplished is up to me.  For the most part that is how I managed people who I hired when moving.  So long as the task is accomplished within the specified parameters to ensure other associated objectives are not compromised how you do it doesn’t matter.  

I bought a plane ticket to a state I hate because of the fake social justice attitudes that lead to imposition and inefficiency in public policy and social interaction. (California)  A new city I haven’t been to outside of dropping people off and picking people up while doing ride shares. (San Diego)  Weather when you’re going to be homeless is important. Los Angeles and the SF bay area have the best weather to me. It gets hot in LA but its dry and I presume San Diego is similar, but probably much better during the winter months. SF bay area weather is temperate, always somewhere between about 50 and 80, and typically between 60 and 70. I’ve been to both of those locations and do not want to return for various reasons. I don’t want my past experience to color my present experience through the familarity of the setting with past experience.   

In the meantime I’ll apply for whatever benefits I qualify for from the state, find a place to work out, shower, shelter, charge my electronics, and continue to work on and begin promoting my material and objectives.  Arriving with about $800, a backpack of clothes, my chromebook, and I may see if I have room for my best selling greeting cards to try to make a few more dollars continuing to sell them on Ebay.  

I’ve been isolated and alienated from substantive interaction with my own species.  I was born into some of the most disadvantaged circumstances, not only materially, but also developmentally.  I’m ignored, and while the quality of work I have produced at times has been abysmal due to stress (1), I am largely ignored because it is the only way people can continue with their sweaters intact.  

1: Stress affects my work by driving it faster. I rush to complete projects hoping that the project will draw attention to my work and open doors that will improve my circumstances. Later I revisit it and see everything I mistated or overlooked.

Despite having no one who is interested in what I am producing, or no positive reinforcement, when I look in the mirror I am in awe of the man looking back at me. He is true to liberty and truth and has proven himself time and again through great adversity.  Whether or not what I observe in myself is ever understood by others or has the impact it could have among a more honest species doesn’t change the validity of it.

Continued @ One Week in San Diego